November 25, 2009

Ever Wonder How Twilight Works?

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The Oatmeal has provided the answer to this burning question in its hilarious guide to "How Twilight Works"

The author (that's you Stephanie Meyer) creates a cipher character with no real discernible characteristics (that's you Bella aka Pants), which allows thirteen year old girls to project themselves into the cipher character's shoes (much like Carol Clover saw the Final Girl as a way for teenage boys to assume the victim position, but nowhere near that smart).

Enter Edward, or as the Oatmeal labels him the "He-man/Jesus Christ" who worships the whiny cipher/reader and is worshiped in return and you get thousands of screaming Twihards who eat this stuff up. Witness the madness.

November 24, 2009

Fast Forward Features and Don't Forget to Vote!

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Just another reminder to vote for me in the Ms. Horror Blogosphere contest over at the Vault of Horror. Voting ends Friday December 4th.

Moving on, welcome to the first installment of Fast Forward Features here at Monster Land. I have the bad habit of fast forwarding through movies and whenever there’s a lull in the action, my trigger finger just itches to press the remote. Now my bad habit is being put to our advantage with Fast Forward Features. In short, I watch these movies so you don’t have to.

First up is AVPR, the thrilling sequel to the blockbuster hit Alien versus Predator (note the sarcasm).John Deer and John Deer Jr. discover the remains of a crashed predator ship containing the PredAlien and a number of face suckers. The face suckers escape and attack the intrepid duo. John Deer shoots one of the face suckers, splashing the creature’s acid blood on his arm which eats through his flesh, causing the arm to fall off. Needless to say, both the kid and the father end up sucking face with the slimy creatures.


In space, a lone predator gets the distress signal sent out by the crashed ship and decides to head to earth for some PredAlien one on one. Meanwhile on earth, a sheriff’s deputy discovers the arm of John Deer while flushing homeless people out of the sewer.

The town sheriff meets up with a guy named Dallas, who is back in town to see his brother. Cut to the brother, who is a pizza delivery boy dropping off pizza’s at the house of a blonde girl he likes. All goes well until Blondie’s boyfriend and his gang of goons beat up pizza boy for looking at her sideways and they throw his keys into the sewer. In the next scene, John Deer and John Deer Jr. wake up in the woods only to be killed by Alien chest bursters.

In a side narrative, (there are too many in this movie) officer Kelly O’Brian is on leave from the military to spend time with her husband, who turns out to be none other than Sam Trammel of HBO’s True Blood.
After a brief altercation, pizza boy and his brother go looking for his keys in the sewer and find this:
Meanwhile the same sheriff’s deputy who found John Deer’s arm is found skinned alive after he stumbles upon the predator getting rid of the bodies of JD and JD Jr. At the same time, Blondie is making up with pizza boy by inviting him to the high school pool for a little night swimming.
Later that night, the predator is busy getting rid of evidence with a blue acid that disintegrates pretty much anything. As he cleans up the remains of homeless people in the sewer the Aliens have been snacking on, he gets into a slug fest with the PredAlien. After a brief battle the PredAlien breaks through the sewer and into the street, where a Papa Johns can be seen in the background. The PredAlien flees the scene in the direction of said Papa Johns.

It’s not long before the Predator and the PredAlien get in another fight, and this time it knocks out power to the little Colorado town. The high school pool goes dark as pizza boy and Blondie intensely make out. This scene is interrupted by Blondie’s boyfriend and his ever present goons. A struggle breaks out and all four men end up in the pool David De Coteau style until an Alien gets in the water and starts picking them off. Blondie, Bondie’s boyfriend and the pizza boy make a break for it but they lose the remaining goon as an Alien snack.

Pizza boy and the others run to his brother Dallas and the Sheriff to warn them about the “thing” that has been killing their friends. At the same time, Sam Trammel is killed (sorry ladies) by an Alien trying to convince his little girl there are no monsters. Kelly and her daughter escape and join up with the Sheriff and Dallas at a hunting supply store in town. Add two paranoid stoners to the mix who think the town is being attacked by terrorists and you got yourself a party.
While looking for ammo Dallas is strung up by the Predator as Alien bait. A fight ensues and the two stoners get their heads blown off when they make the mistake of pointing guns at the Predator. Blondie’s boyfriend tries to make a break for it, but gets an acid facial when the Predator shoots an Alien that is attacking the guy.
Meanwhile at the hospital, the PredAlien has found a more efficient way to reproduce and it pumps a maternity ward full of pregnant women with Alien eggs (eww). These unwilling mothers give birth to dozens of Aliens that explode from their stomachs, as a frighten doctor watches in horror and is subsequently killed by the PredAlien.

The Sheriff and his merry band decide it’s time to get out of Dodge and radio the military. A mysterious voice on the other end tells them to gather on the town square for an air lift. Kelly smells a rat and the group split up, one half goes to the middle of town and the other heads to the hospital, hoping the medical helicopter is still there.

At the hospital things go from bad to worse as Blondie gets impaled by a Predator boomerang when she steps into the crossfire of a fight. Pizza boy loses it and starts shooting blindly at the Aliens. As the rage subsides he gets a sharp, pointy Alien tail to the shoulder. Dallas uses the Predator’s discarded weapon to shoot the Aliens and save his brother.

The group eventually makes it to the helicopter and escape the town just as the military drops a bomb on it. The copter crashes but they all survive and the military confiscates the Predator’s weapon from Dallas. The military ponders what it should do with his new technology and decides the world isn’t ready. Roll credits.

November 23, 2009

Vote for Ms. Horror Blogosphere 2009!

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In the spirit of friendly competition, B-Sol is hosting the first ever Ms. Horror Blogosphere contest to find the web's favorite female horror blogger. I am among the ranks of the proud female bloggers vying for the top prize. Click here to see my entry and learn even more about your friendly neighborhood Monster Scholar.

Voting begins tomorrow @ 10AM at the Vault of Horror and the following graphic will be activated starting then for your voting pleasure. So get your mice ready and click away for your favorite horror blogger femme (that's me!).

November 20, 2009

Interview with Stewart Hendler of Sorority Row

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On the heels of my review of Sorority Row here on Monster Land, I was contacted by the director of SR, Stewart Hendler. After I recovered from the shock, I was given an exclusive interview with the director as he recounts what motivated him to film a horror remake with a positive message for women.

As we’ve seen in the past with films like feminist Rita Mae Brown’s Slumber Party Massacre, it can be hard to make a horror film with a positive message for women. How did you set out to do just that?

All horror movies are (or attempt to be) morality tales, so there’s a built in structure that allows you to use them to make a statement. I’m a big fan of the genre, but not particularly proud of how it treats women, so I wanted to do something different with Sorority Row.

When I read the script, it appealed to me because it examined a very particular and very bizarre subset of American culture—the sorority. Built on the principles of sisterhood and service, I truly believe that sororities are not intrinsically bad institutions, but they’ve evolved to a place where their founding ideals are clouded by the ancillary activities—like drinking, debauchery, and the quest for a “good husband.”

SR’s script was clever because it celebrated the idea of “sisterhood” but condemned the misappropriation of that word. I wanted to point that out in the film, and make a movie where the girls who worked together survived, and those who were only out for themselves paid the ultimate price.

You’ve mentioned that you’re a fan of 80’s horror films like Halloween and Nightmare on Elm Street. Who are some of your favorite final girls in horror?
There are a bunch of resourceful, smart, empowered final girls in horror, but for some reason I just love Sidney Prescott in Scream. She feels like the first true modern final girl, and that movie sees both her and Gale Weathers—a totally different take on the empowered female—survive.

What in your personal experience inspired you to make a horror film with a positive feminist message? Are there any notable women in your life who might have influenced your point of view?

Well there are honestly too many to count. I don’t have sisters, but I have grown up with amazing female friends and a mother who would give any crazed killer a run for his money.

You've compared your film to Scream numerous times. What about Wes Craven’s movie inspired your critique of the sorority system?

A couple things. First of all, it was the first film that took at look at the genre from a bird’s eye view, simultaneously sending up and celebrating the clichés. It also broke the rules in a way that rewarded characters for relevant virtues (like courage, strength and integrity) as opposed to antiquated ones (like chastity and conformity).

At the end of the film we end up with three final girls. Rumer Willis, Caroline D’Amore and Briana Evigan strut away as the sorority house burns to the ground. How did you come up with this ending configuration of powerhouse women?

Well Cassidy goes without saying. She’s the obvious moral compass of the story; she’s against the prank and ensuing cover up, and therefore deserves to live. She is not virginal though, and I thought that was important.

Ellie’s character, to me, is about redemption, and I like the notion that although she didn’t step up early on to prevent the accident, she fights through her fear and eventually comes into her own as a woman—thus saving the day.

Maggie was a bit tricky, but there are a couple things at play. For one, Cassidy and Ellie have to save her as penance for their participation in the death of her sister; she redeems their misdeed. Secondly, she’s a very self assured, smart, empowered girl, and in my mind that wins her the right to live.

But, when you look at the coda, I think it could be argued that her survival is more complex than that. Maggie is also the only girl who rivals Jessica’s self serving bitchiness, and we end the film with Maggie at center stage within the rebuilt Theta Pi. I think it’s left to debate whether she truly “survived” the incident, or is doomed to go down the same wrong track.

Caroline D’Amore’s character Maggie ends up sleeping with Jessica’s (Leah Pipes) boyfriend and would have died according to the formula of any other T&A slasher. What where you trying to do differently?

This is mostly answered above, but I’m very against the notion that sex = death, and tried to subvert that wherever possible.

The film is highly critical of the Greek tradition. We’re you ever a Greek yourself? And if so what did you pledge?

I wasn’t part of the Greek system, which is perhaps why I find the whole thing so fascinating. My parents were, as were many of my friends, and like I said before, I don’t think the film is binary in its analysis of the system. Sororities and Fraternities preach some good principles, but the movie certainly tackles the potential negatives within the modern Greek system.

If the film were an outright condemnation of Sororities at large, Cassidy and Ellie would have probably not been Greek. But it is, after all, the notion of “sisterhood” that allows them to survive to the end.

You've hinted that you might continue in horror if the material is fun and has a voice. Can you elaborate on what this means for you as a director?

I really love the movie we got to make with Sorority Row, but the vast majority of the horror scripts I read are pretty run-of-the-mill. I obviously like the genre’s potential to play with conventions while giving the audience a good scare, but I’m also excited to try something new. We will see—hopefully this won’t be my last horror film though!

Critics have come down hard on the film, calling it nothing more than a rehash of Mark Rosman’s “The House on Sorority Row” What do you say to that type of comment?

Well, I’m incredibly heartened to see that many people understood what we were trying to do—play with the clichés and make a movie with a message—but if people miss that and dismiss the film entirely, that’s really their loss.

Horror is never reviewed fairly, but I think a critic who didn’t notice what were doing might want to brush up on their genre history—it’s a pretty accessible film.

What about horror interests you as a genre?

I think I alluded to it above, but I love the genre because it has such a well-established langue at this point. The conventions and consequences are so entrenched that you can really play with the message by either subscribing to or subverting those expectations.

Unlike most horror fare, the tits and gore in your film seem to have a purpose. How did you use the conventions of the slasher film to make a statement?

I’m glad you thought that, because the whole notion of female sexuality was something we were playing with. From the girls playing a sexually charged prank on Garrett, to their snide critique of one another (“What is this, the dry hump Olympics?” “Does silicon float”) to Chugs sexual nonchalance (“I don’t have time for catch me rape me,” “Cheers slut”), everything was designed to put sex and sexuality in the fore, and hopefully stir the pot a little bit.

As for the T&A, I’d be lying if I said every bit of nudity in the film was there to make a subversive statement, but the big moment when Jessica forces the Riley to disrobe definitely was. The shower scene in these movies is required, but hopefully there’s something thought provoking about girls using their physicality as a power play against one another. The spat where Jessica attempts dominance by forcing Riley to drop the towel only to be countered by Riley’s confidence in her “perfect tits” was definitely intentional.

There’s one last thing I think is relevant. You’ll notice there are no redeemable male characters in the film at all. From Andy (obviously) to Kyle, Mickey, Garret and the Senator, each one is fundamentally flawed.

Even tertiary male characters in the background are almost always 2 dimensionally sex crazed jerks (“Chugs, give me a beer, and a BJ!” to “I just got tested it’s cool,” to “Danny give me my shirt—come and get it!”).

Read more about the DVD and Blu-Ray release of Sorority Row at Shock Till You Drop

November 17, 2009

SNL Spoofs the Fabulous Mr. Hyde

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SNL has been rolling out the monster spoofs lately. In addition to the digital short “Firelight”, which replaced the monsters of Twilight with mummies and Frankensteins, SNL also has a skit on Dr. Jekyll and his randy counterpart Mr. Hyde.

Dr. Jekyll addresses a theater of medical men at a scientific symposium and reveals the existence of Mr. Hyde, his dark alter ego. SNL capitalizes on the suggestion of a homosexual “other” that Hyde represents, and Dr. Jekyll confesses that his serum transforms him into the “peculiar” Mr. Hyde who “has sex with men.” He then asks the academy for a research grant of 10,000 pounds to do “experiments” (either sexual or scientific) at Fire Island.

This comedic representation of Jekyll’s homosexuality brings out the implications of Robert Louis Stevenson's original text. The author never fully describes Hyde’s dark deeds, but like Oscar Wilde’s Dorian Gray, the suggestion of homosexuality is implicit, as can be seen in Jekyll’s full statement of the case:

The pleasures which I made haste to seek in my disguise were, as I have said, undignified; I would scarce use a harder term. But in the hands of Edward Hyde, they soon began to turn toward the monstrous. When I would come back from these excursions, I was often plunged into a kind of wonder at my vicarious depravity.


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